As I sit with my thoughts more and more, I realize I have A LOT I want to say. I've known this for a long time, but actually practicing it is hard. Journaling and Morning Pages have been helpful. But what I'm learning is that I am looking for my voice to be hard in a more public capacity. Putting words on this blog (rather than locked safely in my journal) is terrifying because exposing my reality out here makes it, well, more real. It's also incredibly amazing and brave. Similarly, I've noticed myself commenting more and more authentically and sometimes a bit snarky on (mostly political) social media posts, where I would have stayed silent, afraid someone I know would see my comments and judge me.
In fact, the whole idea for this post came to me as I was attempting to formulate one such comment on Heather Cox Richardson's letter from April 6. Reading it will give you better context for what I'm trying to articulate here, but I'll try to make it so that it's not absolutely necessary. Heather starts the letter by describing from various sources, what took place at the White House Easter celebration on Sunday. None of it is great, also not much of a surprise. But what stopped me in my tracks was this:
"Sitting with children drawing pictures, he (Trump) told them they could sell his autograph on eBay for $25,000. He signed their pictures, and while he signed, he told the children that former President Joe Biden was “incapable of signing his name” so he had aides follow him around with an autopen machine."
This paragraph spoke to some very deep seeded reasons why I have so many issues with Trump leading our country. High level, this is what it boils down to:
1. He signed some of their Easter pictures without asking, assuming they would all want to sell them on eBay someday.
2. He is sitting with a group of children innocently enjoying Easter, bragging about himself and dragging down the former President.
Digging a bit deeper, I am reminded of a time when Allie and I went to lunch with my sister-in-law and her two girls not long ago. Allie was drawing a picture of her cousin E. E has curly hair, but Allie drew it straight. E took the crayon and drew curly hair, wanting to show Allie how curly hair is drawn. Allie had a COMPLETE meltdown over this, because she didn't give E consent to change the picture. It was an innocent interaction between two young kids, and a funny story now, but it goes to show how much consent means to children. Perhaps I'm projecting my experience on to Donald Trump. But as a father of five adult children and president of our country, I was appalled that he lacked the decency to at least ask the children at the table if they wanted him to sign their Easter pictures.
Injecting Biden's alleged use of the auto pen into the conversation with those kids is the second blow. One of the most painful things a kid can experience is when an adult asks them to hold things that they are not yet equipped to hold. I had experiences like this as a child, where I was asked to hold things that I wasn't meant to. For example, being asked at age five who I would pick to live with if my parents got divorced. Adults who aren't adept at regulating their emotions can let these things slip out with or without mal intent. Even statements like "I wanted to make take you to the pool today but your dad said no" are seemingly innocent but start to groom a child to favor one parent over the other. Though he may not have realized it, Trump was asking those kids to put down their Easter innocence and join him in his anger and resentment toward his predecessor. I am imagining how confusing that may have been for those kids.
I am not an expert in psychology, but I have been reading and studying myself a ton over the recent years. You could say I am a somewhat hyper-vigilant observer of those around me for traumatic/psychotic behavior. Which is why this paragraph of Richardson's letter stopped me in my tracks, and why I chose to write about it. Maybe those kids will never give another thought to this Easter interaction. To the ego/anger they were forced to hold. To the lack of regard for their consent as Trump's signature marred the sweet pictures they colored. But maybe, like little me, they need someone to see what's happening. No name the behavior and speak out against it. The words in these paragraphs may sound icky and dark, but they are worth saying.
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