Millards In The Mountains

As I sit with my thoughts more and more, I realize I have A LOT I want to say. I've known this for a long time, but actually practicing it is hard. Journaling and Morning Pages have been helpful. But what I'm learning is that I am looking for my voice to be hard in a more public capacity. Putting words on this blog (rather than locked safely in my journal) is terrifying because exposing my reality out here makes it, well, more real. It's also incredibly amazing and brave. Similarly, I've noticed myself commenting more and more authentically and sometimes a bit snarky on (mostly political) social media posts, where I would have stayed silent, afraid someone I know would see my comments and judge me. In fact, the whole idea for this post came to me as I was attempting to formulate one such comment on Heather Cox Richardson's letter  from April 6. Reading it will give you better context for what I'm trying to articulate here, but I'll try to make it so that it...

 We are barely three months in, and yet 2026 has already been a year of beautiful transformation. I know this opening statement will spark some curiosity, and yet I'm still holding a lot of the vulnerable truths I've been working on close to my heart for now, even while I so badly want to write about them here. (Writing here also feels a lot to me like shouting from the rooftop to the entire world, even though my readership is very limited).  The fact that I even opened up Blogger this morning is somewhat miraculous. I just finished a practice I hope to continue called "Morning Pages" from The Artist's Way. It's pretty simple in that you just write your thoughts down on paper as they cross your mind. Pen and paper is key, because it encourages a slowing down and noticing of the thoughts. The goal is that by the end, your thoughts have a place to go and no longer clutter the mental space. And let me tell you as a very overactive thinker (I often joke that I can...

Lately I’ve been blessed to notice myself experiencing soul level joy more and more. The best way I can describe it is just feeling happy at every level. Physical, emotional spiritual. It almost takes my breath away when I stop and soak it up. I wanted to capture one such moment here.   Lately Allie has been doing SUPER kind things (that I can not fathom myself doing at her age). For example, she brought one of her Happy Meal toys to dinner with us the other night at a restaurant and decided on her own that she wanted to give it away to a little girl sitting nearby. The joy on the girl’s face was priceless. Her grandma was stunned. Allie has such an incredibly generous spirit. She loves making others feel loved and special in her own 3 year old way. Sometimes she will also share her beloved French fries with Matt and I. 😱 Today we took Allie to the Denver Aquarium. This girl just loves to explore and “go somewhere” and we live in a great city to indulge her adventurous spirit. The...

On my way to pick Allie up from school today, Apple randomly decided to play the song “I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You” by John Mayer. The tune instantly transported me back to the days when Allie was a little baby, maybe 2 or 3 months old. I played that song on repeat (on my AirPods) while I was feeding and/or rocking her. The lyrics don’t EXACTLY match what I was feeling but the title says it all. I was so unsure about what I was doing and so positive I was going to mess everything up. Both completely normal for new and experienced moms alike. But even more than that, I was terrified of the intensity of my love for my girl. I didn’t want to infect her with my darkness. To the point that the words “I don’t trust myself with loving you” gave me chills of certainty? Clarity? How could God trust me, ME to mother this precious baby girl?? I would belt that song out almost as a promise that I wasn’t going to get it right. While I’m on the topic, here’s another huge doubt I had: Raisin...

 Tonight I was thinking how much I miss writing. I write my thoughts in the Notes app on my phone. I write in my journal. But I miss “published” writing. Putting my thoughts out there in a very vulnerable way.  Reading back on some of my past posts here, a part of me wants to cringe at the younger, carefree thoughts I would share here. And at the same time, I am so in awe of the younger version of myself that would post so freely. I love looking back and seeing growth.  In the past six years since I last posted, I have become a mother. There isn’t one single post that could capture the range of emotional growth that has come with nurturing the intelligent, sensitive daughter whom God has entrusted to my care. Nor do I intend for this to become a “mom’s blog” which encapsulates advice that I do not feel equipped to give. For now, the mention of my daughter is simply to express the “lifequake” that happened in October of 2021. Lifequake is a term I found on the “She’s On Fi...

It's been a whirlwind of a week. So much has happened, I can barely comprehend. But a very busy and blurry week included a couple last minute trips, two unexpected illnesses and NO knee surgery. Last Saturday morning, my Grandma Helen passed away after a long and painful battle with colon and stomach cancer. We knew her time was coming to an end but it still wasn't easy saying goodbye. I didn't think I was going to be able to make it to her funeral, since my surgery was scheduled for the same day. But the theme of the week seems to be "everything happens for a reason" which leads my to book review #3: Everything Happens For a Reason - Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives by Mira Kirshenbaum https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Happens-Reason-Finding-Meaning/dp/1400083214/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1OBDM5U9HH7RO&keywords=everything+happens+for+a+reason+book&qid=1551651715&s=gateway&sprefix=everything+happens+%2Caps%2C181&sr=8-2 I'm no...

Book #2 and I'm already throwing you a wrench from my last post. I previewed/teased Every Good Endeavor, but sometimes plans have a way of unexpectedly changing. Link: The Power of a Praying Wife -- Stormie Omartian https://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying®-Wife-Stormie-Omartian/dp/0736957499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549307595&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+a+praying+wife+by+stormie+omartian Personal Note:  Recently a friend opened up to be about some struggles she's dealing with and mentioned a book that's really been helping. Curiosity, a desire to better understand those struggles and maybe a little ADD (if I'm being honest) led me to pause with Timothy Keller and read this one. And it turns out I needed to hear every word in a bad way! Also in all honesty, the title of this book alone made me think "what the heck am I about to read???" Reading and discussing the spiritual/religious realm is still new territory for me, so it's a hard place to...

I'm already getting behind on my #35while35 challenge so I'm taking some time on this long weekend to kick this off! I'm still not sure how I want to format these posts so it might be a work in progress for a while. Background: As I prefaced in my last post, book #1 of the year is "How to Listen so People Will Talk" by Becky Harling. (Follow her @BeckyHarling if you happen to be a Twitter person). I'm also trying to follow the authors of books that inspire me, so that their posts remind me to keep practicing what I've learned. Harling's tone throughout the book is kind, honest and endearing, and her own personal stories build depth and trust behind the concepts she is teaching. Here's the link again in case you want to order or download a copy for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Listen-People-Will-Talk-Communication/dp/0764219448/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1RLTT0EPSKZSO&keywords=how+to+listen+so+people+will+talk&qid=1548126107&sprefix=how+to+...

Hi everyone! I bet you’re surprised to see me writing here after a 6 year hiatus. 2018 was a year of incredible growth for me. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. I’m going to be honest. It can be hard to navigate so much change while maintaining the life you’ve built and love. These things have helped: -therapy. Do it. If you think it’s expensive or there are negative connotations, stop. Nothing is more worthy of your time and money than your mental health. I always thought physical health is what mattered most. Until I started talking to a therapist. -books. And thus leads leads me to the reason behind my first post, in over 6 years. My goal is to read and outline 35 books in my 35th year. Maybe this seems like a low number but I am guilty of spending too much time on my devices so anything that will encourage me to read actual paper words is most welcome, and I need accountability! So here we go. First #35in35 will be on the link below if you care to read along. It’ve alread...

Matt and I decided to join some of our favorite local breweries yesterday at a craft beer festival to help kick off Colorado Craft Beer Week. It's no secret that craft beer is a huge part of the Colorado economy. Everybody just does it so well out here. It was nice to go to a smaller festival than the Great American Beer Festival where there are too many breweries to even get to every booth. Yesterday's festival felt more like a back yard barbecue. I even got to meet the hosts of the Craft Beer Radio show on AM760. There is a picture of me with Turk and the "Gubna" below. In addition to some good beer sampling, our tickets also included a meal of either beer can chicken roasted for hours on the grill (my choice) or a spicy brat (Matt's choice). The chicken was amazing. I even let Matt try some. :) I also had some fun and took some pictures at the light rail. (We were responsible and walked/rode the train to and from the event.) What a fun day! Even better was c...

We've had some neighborhood visitors recently. This Mallard duck couple has made our yard its home for about a week now. They showed up right before our camping trip and have been around ever since! We can't find a nest but they seem to like prefer our yard, none the less. Maybe it has something to do with the name? My hope is that they really do have a nest nearby and one day I will wake up to little ducklings wandering around our yard!

If you are reading this for the second time, you will notice that I have re-written this post. It seems even my Apple technology is not foolproof. I tried to create a new blog post on my iPad and instead I inadvertantly typed over this original post. Argh. But I want to remember this camping trip, so here I am typing it all out again. As indicated in the title of this post, Matt and I decided that a camping trip in Sand Dunes National Park would be a great way to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. Matt has never been and I have been eager to get back there ever since a trip I took with the KU Geography Field Campers in 2006. So last Thursday, we packed up our camping gear and our dogs and headed out to the Dunes. We arrived at the park's campsite around 1:30 pm which was great timing. We had our pick of campsites but the entire thing was full within a few hours. Our site was great...not too close to any others and offered plenty of shade over our tent all day long. We set ...

**I wrote this post last week. It has just taken me a couple weeks to get up the guts to post it. Once again, it's time for my once-monthly blog update. I honestly didn't intend for my posts to become so infrequent, but it seems that I can only motivate myself to blog when I really have something to say these days. Sure, I have plenty to blog about lately, with all of the wonderful weddings and other events we have attended in the past month and a half or so. I have a few pictures too! And I fully intend to write a big long post about all of our wonderful trips to Kansas. But that's not REALLY what's been on my mind lately. Matt and I have decided that it's time to open up about what's going on with us in the past couple months. A peek into a very personal issue that has taken a while for us to fully accept and be open about. Basically, we are at the beginning stages of infertility "investigation." About a year and a half ago, we decided to start unoff...

I just thought I would take a moment to share a few pictures of the newest addition to the Millard family. This is our nephew Tate William Millard, born on Sept. 10, 2011. He is such a sweet and precious (and very happy) baby! He was not even 24 hours old in this photo. Proud parents, Mark and Talicia. What a beautiful family! Matt and I were thrilled to get to meet this little guy while we were in Kansas last weekend. I could have held him forever! Congratulations to Mark and Talicia!!

A monumental event has occurred. My little brother is officially a college student! He moved in to the K-State dorms this weekend and ever since, I have been re-living MY Freshman year (via some MAJOR stalking of his Facebook page.) :) The thing about having a brother who is 10 years my junior is that every time he does something momentous (like go to college), it reminds me of how long ago those events were in my own life. I know I say it over and over again, but time has seemingly FLOWN by since my own move in to this glorious building. Ahh yes, Ellsworth Hall: my first of many homes away from home. This is me ten years ago during move-in day at KU. When I look at this picture, I am amazed how much has changed since then! And I wondered what advice to give to my brother to prepare him for such an amazing period of his life. Sure, I have been handing Brennan bits and pieces of my infinite wealth of knowled...

June was a busy month around here! I managed to snap a few photos here and there. That's better than I have been doing this month. *I apologize in advance for the spacing of the photos as captions here. Does anyone have any tips for better photo settings in Blogger?? At the very end of May, we drove to Manhattan for my brother's high school graduation. I can't believe he is a college student now!! He will be attending K-State this fall. I guess you could consider us a house divided, except for the fact that I am the only one in my immediate family who ventured out down the road to KU! :) The first weekend of June, Bill and Barbara came out for a visit on their way down to Santa Fe. We took them for a hike near Clear Creek. There has been so much snowfall and rain this year and Clear Creek was gushing water. I had never seen it moving so fast. My friend Liz has been bring out my inner artist. She discovered a place downtown called Sipping and Painting, where they literally w...

Yes yes, i have received so many people reminding me that my last post was EASTER! It is hard to believe that is so. But I have a good one for you today. The guest room at Hotel Del Millard has been getting a face lift, and a rather major one at that. I was a little worried about taking this on myself (with plenty of Matt's help, of course). I would NOT label myself as a decorator. My tastes are, well, eclectic to say the least. But it was time for us to make a presentable space for our guests to stay. I was certain that I had taken some "before" pictures, but when I checked the cameras, they were nowhere to be found! Pre re-model, the walls and ceilings were all baby blue. One wall was checkerboard pink, orange, blue and green. The outlet and light covers were pink. And the extent of our furniture in there was a bed, a chair and a giant TV that wasn't even plugged in! The first step in the remodel was to get rid of the TV. It was gone within a few hours of posting an...