Book #2 and I'm already throwing you a wrench from my last post. I previewed/teased Every Good Endeavor, but sometimes plans have a way of unexpectedly changing.
Link: The Power of a Praying Wife -- Stormie Omartian
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying®-Wife-Stormie-Omartian/dp/0736957499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549307595&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+a+praying+wife+by+stormie+omartian
Personal Note: Recently a friend opened up to be about some struggles she's dealing with and mentioned a book that's really been helping. Curiosity, a desire to better understand those struggles and maybe a little ADD (if I'm being honest) led me to pause with Timothy Keller and read this one. And it turns out I needed to hear every word in a bad way!
Also in all honesty, the title of this book alone made me think "what the heck am I about to read???" Reading and discussing the spiritual/religious realm is still new territory for me, so it's a hard place to be vulnerable and just put out there on this blog. But regardless of where you are, the concepts in this book are important and may inspire change if you are willing to listen. Here goes...
Meat and Bones: Ladies. How many times have you found yourself hoping and wishing for some aspect of your husband to change. Maybe you don't even know what exactly it is that needs to change? (Me!) Maybe you know exactly what you need him to change but no matter how much you try to communicate that, nothing happens? Either way, you end up maybe feeling a little "stuck." I think it's pretty normal for married couples to experience that after a while. But what can you do about it?
Here is the answer. Read chapter 1 of this book. Over and over and over, or at least every time you start to feel that frustration sink back in. Full disclosure though: you will need to have an open mind. There are some parts that are way too 50's housewife for me (page 39) which I skip every time I re-read it. There is no way one woman can be everything that the author describes there. It's unrealistic and probably a little unhealthy to expect all of that of yourself. Don't stop reading though!
Here are my takeaways, and I'm only focusing on Chapter 1 here because it was what I really needed to hear and remember.
1. Change in your marriage has to start with changing yourself. Bingo. In order to understand or hope or ask for change in your partner, it's really as simple as getting your own heart right first. In my first post this year, I opened up that I'm talking to a counselor. Matt and I have also been attending an awesome church regularly. And of course I'm doing a lot of reading. This book was the smack in the face that I needed to help connect all of those pieces. "You must be the change you want to see in the world." I've heard that famous quote from Mahatma Ghandi's countless times, but I never even thought to apply it to my own marriage! Doh.
2. Open up when you feel something, good or bad. I recently did the Strengths Finder test and one of my top 5 strengths was Adaptability. It's a great trait to have, but a lot of the time, I will just go with the flow and kind of gloss over how I really feel about something. Stuffing my feelings inside all the time won't help us grow and understand each other...and I do know that one thing I crave is understanding. I also want to understand those around me better, so I'm trying to pay extra attention when people express feelings. Even when it's uncomfortable.
3. Creating a home. Ugh. I know I just got done talking about the "50's housewife" tones that bothered me. But I have to admit that I could do better in the housekeeping department. I don't want to stress Matt out with a cluttered or messy home! And he probably won't say it, but I know ours stresses him out to some degree. Especially our "office" which really just contains items that need to be gifted, sorted, or donated.
A quote from the book that stood out on this topic was "spending a certain amount of money for someone to help you a few hours a week is a lot cheaper than a divorce." (Page 35) Ok, I don't think my house is THAT bad but certainly if there was less clutter, I feel like I would be more inclined to push for a housekeeper to help out a little. (Isn't it Marie Kondo or someone that says the amount of clutter in your home resembles your mental "clutter"?) Oiy.
4. Rather than through your own eyes, try to see your husband how God sees him. There's not much more elaborating to do there.
Retrospective: I did a little research on the author of this book because I think it's important to understand the underlying perspective, especially on books of this nature. After finishing the book and reflecting a little, I would have assumed that this lady had a near-perfect childhood and never experienced any form of hardship or abuse. Wrong again! As it turns out, her mother had mental issues and her father was passive about addressing them, which led her down a destructive and near-fatal path.
Understanding her struggles and how she arrived with the information in this book was an added bonus. I think it feels like the people who teach these principles sometimes don't really understand the struggles that lead to anxiety, depression, etc. later in life so it's hard to put much stock into what they say. Definitely not the case here.
Last: Don't stop at Chapter 1!! The other chapters are good and help understand the male perspective, pressures, insecurities, etc. Also, don't be afraid to dive in to a book that appears "uncomfortable" on the outside to help a friend. You never know what amazing lessons you will learn for yourself along the way as an unexpected bonus!
Link: The Power of a Praying Wife -- Stormie Omartian
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying®-Wife-Stormie-Omartian/dp/0736957499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549307595&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+a+praying+wife+by+stormie+omartian
Personal Note: Recently a friend opened up to be about some struggles she's dealing with and mentioned a book that's really been helping. Curiosity, a desire to better understand those struggles and maybe a little ADD (if I'm being honest) led me to pause with Timothy Keller and read this one. And it turns out I needed to hear every word in a bad way!
Also in all honesty, the title of this book alone made me think "what the heck am I about to read???" Reading and discussing the spiritual/religious realm is still new territory for me, so it's a hard place to be vulnerable and just put out there on this blog. But regardless of where you are, the concepts in this book are important and may inspire change if you are willing to listen. Here goes...
Meat and Bones: Ladies. How many times have you found yourself hoping and wishing for some aspect of your husband to change. Maybe you don't even know what exactly it is that needs to change? (Me!) Maybe you know exactly what you need him to change but no matter how much you try to communicate that, nothing happens? Either way, you end up maybe feeling a little "stuck." I think it's pretty normal for married couples to experience that after a while. But what can you do about it?
Here is the answer. Read chapter 1 of this book. Over and over and over, or at least every time you start to feel that frustration sink back in. Full disclosure though: you will need to have an open mind. There are some parts that are way too 50's housewife for me (page 39) which I skip every time I re-read it. There is no way one woman can be everything that the author describes there. It's unrealistic and probably a little unhealthy to expect all of that of yourself. Don't stop reading though!
Here are my takeaways, and I'm only focusing on Chapter 1 here because it was what I really needed to hear and remember.
1. Change in your marriage has to start with changing yourself. Bingo. In order to understand or hope or ask for change in your partner, it's really as simple as getting your own heart right first. In my first post this year, I opened up that I'm talking to a counselor. Matt and I have also been attending an awesome church regularly. And of course I'm doing a lot of reading. This book was the smack in the face that I needed to help connect all of those pieces. "You must be the change you want to see in the world." I've heard that famous quote from Mahatma Ghandi's countless times, but I never even thought to apply it to my own marriage! Doh.
2. Open up when you feel something, good or bad. I recently did the Strengths Finder test and one of my top 5 strengths was Adaptability. It's a great trait to have, but a lot of the time, I will just go with the flow and kind of gloss over how I really feel about something. Stuffing my feelings inside all the time won't help us grow and understand each other...and I do know that one thing I crave is understanding. I also want to understand those around me better, so I'm trying to pay extra attention when people express feelings. Even when it's uncomfortable.
3. Creating a home. Ugh. I know I just got done talking about the "50's housewife" tones that bothered me. But I have to admit that I could do better in the housekeeping department. I don't want to stress Matt out with a cluttered or messy home! And he probably won't say it, but I know ours stresses him out to some degree. Especially our "office" which really just contains items that need to be gifted, sorted, or donated.
A quote from the book that stood out on this topic was "spending a certain amount of money for someone to help you a few hours a week is a lot cheaper than a divorce." (Page 35) Ok, I don't think my house is THAT bad but certainly if there was less clutter, I feel like I would be more inclined to push for a housekeeper to help out a little. (Isn't it Marie Kondo or someone that says the amount of clutter in your home resembles your mental "clutter"?) Oiy.
4. Rather than through your own eyes, try to see your husband how God sees him. There's not much more elaborating to do there.
Retrospective: I did a little research on the author of this book because I think it's important to understand the underlying perspective, especially on books of this nature. After finishing the book and reflecting a little, I would have assumed that this lady had a near-perfect childhood and never experienced any form of hardship or abuse. Wrong again! As it turns out, her mother had mental issues and her father was passive about addressing them, which led her down a destructive and near-fatal path.
Understanding her struggles and how she arrived with the information in this book was an added bonus. I think it feels like the people who teach these principles sometimes don't really understand the struggles that lead to anxiety, depression, etc. later in life so it's hard to put much stock into what they say. Definitely not the case here.
Last: Don't stop at Chapter 1!! The other chapters are good and help understand the male perspective, pressures, insecurities, etc. Also, don't be afraid to dive in to a book that appears "uncomfortable" on the outside to help a friend. You never know what amazing lessons you will learn for yourself along the way as an unexpected bonus!
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