The Cards Are Officially Stacked

**I wrote this post last week. It has just taken me a couple weeks to get up the guts to post it.

Once again, it's time for my once-monthly blog update. I honestly didn't intend for my posts to become so infrequent, but it seems that I can only motivate myself to blog when I really have something to say these days. Sure, I have plenty to blog about lately, with all of the wonderful weddings and other events we have attended in the past month and a half or so. I have a few pictures too! And I fully intend to write a big long post about all of our wonderful trips to Kansas. But that's not REALLY what's been on my mind lately.
Matt and I have decided that it's time to open up about what's going on with us in the past couple months. A peek into a very personal issue that has taken a while for us to fully accept and be open about. Basically, we are at the beginning stages of infertility "investigation." About a year and a half ago, we decided to start unofficially trying to have a baby. We knew we might experience some difficulty with this, mostly because of the possibility of negative side effects from chemo and radiation Matt was given during his childhood fight with cancer. Both of us were not 100% positive that we were ready for a baby, but we figured if there was even a chance that we would have problems, it would be better to figure it out sooner rather than later while we have age on our side.
Fast forward to a few months ago. It had been over a year, and no sign of a baby. Not even close. So we went to see my OB/GYN and had a few tests run. A few days later, she calls and asks us to both come in to her office together. Not a good sign. She suspects that the side effects of the drugs are at least part of the reason we havent been able to conceive yet and refers us to a local reproductive specialist.



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Have you ever felt like maybe you are in the right place at the right time? Even though we don't know much more at this point, I certainly feel like we are where we need to be right now. It turns out that the reproductive medicine clinic we were referred to is located approximately 10 miles south of our house. It also happens to have one of the highest success rates in the country. In fact, infertile couples come from all over the world to seek help from this office. Ironically, I was watching one of my favorite reality TV shows, "Giuliana and Bill" about two weeks after I booked our fist appointment with our specialist, Dr. Schoolcraft. Out of the blue, G & B (who are also struggling with infertility) started talking about travelling to "a clinic in Denver" and then ended the episode sitting face to face with our exact doctor! Maybe I am naive, but I took great hope and comfort away from that episode, even with all of the questions that we have yet to answer about our own unique case. I felt even better after own meeting with Dr. Schoolcraft. He ordered us both to have some more tests done and then suggested that we "re-group" when we know more. But he never ever made us feel like we didn't have hope. I know most doctors would never say anything so extreme right out off the bat, but it was nice just the same.



I went in for my tests a couple weeks ago. As it turns out, Matt and I both bring our own set of issues to the table. Nobody I spoke with really seems concerned about my particular case. But this afternoon I still couldn't help feeling that the cards are officially stacked against us. It is, after all, just one more thing to be concerned about.



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So how do we feel at this point? Despite what we do and don't know right now, we are still optimistic that we can still have a baby between the two of us. And even if we can't, we still have many other options. We don't mind talking what we know so far (hence the blog post), so we won't be offended if you ask. And of course, we are still over-the-top excited about baby/kid news of any sort. New pregnancies, pregnancy stories, the birth of babies (see previous post), stories about infants and kids growing up...you name it. Bring it on! The last thing we want is for anyone to feel like we can't deal with their happy news just because we are having our own struggle. Yes, we have baby fever. But that just makes us want to cuddle your kids MORE (and read any blog or Facebook status you happen to want to share as well. :) )



Thanks for stopping by the blog and listening to this difficult post! Love and *blog* hugs to you all!