Millards In The Mountains

On my way to pick Allie up from school today, Apple randomly decided to play the song “I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You” by John Mayer. The tune instantly transported me back to the days when Allie was a little baby, maybe 2 or 3 months old. I played that song on repeat (on my AirPods) while I was feeding and/or rocking her. The lyrics don’t EXACTLY match what I was feeling but the title says it all. I was so unsure about what I was doing and so positive I was going to mess everything up. Both completely normal for new and experienced moms alike. But even more than that, I was terrified of the intensity of my love for my girl. I didn’t want to infect her with my darkness. To the point that the words “I don’t trust myself with loving you” gave me chills of certainty? Clarity? How could God trust me, ME to mother this precious baby girl?? I would belt that song out almost as a promise that I wasn’t going to get it right. While I’m on the topic, here’s another huge doubt I had: Raisin...

 Tonight I was thinking how much I miss writing. I write my thoughts in the Notes app on my phone. I write in my journal. But I miss “published” writing. Putting my thoughts out there in a very vulnerable way.  Reading back on some of my past posts here, a part of me wants to cringe at the younger, carefree thoughts I would share here. And at the same time, I am so in awe of the younger version of myself that would post so freely. I love looking back and seeing growth.  In the past six years since I last posted, I have become a mother. There isn’t one single post that could capture the range of emotional growth that has come with nurturing the intelligent, sensitive daughter whom God has entrusted to my care. Nor do I intend for this to become a “mom’s blog” which encapsulates advice that I do not feel equipped to give. For now, the mention of my daughter is simply to express the “lifequake” that happened in October of 2021. Lifequake is a term I found on the “She’s On Fi...

It's been a whirlwind of a week. So much has happened, I can barely comprehend. But a very busy and blurry week included a couple last minute trips, two unexpected illnesses and NO knee surgery. Last Saturday morning, my Grandma Helen passed away after a long and painful battle with colon and stomach cancer. We knew her time was coming to an end but it still wasn't easy saying goodbye. I didn't think I was going to be able to make it to her funeral, since my surgery was scheduled for the same day. But the theme of the week seems to be "everything happens for a reason" which leads my to book review #3: Everything Happens For a Reason - Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives by Mira Kirshenbaum https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Happens-Reason-Finding-Meaning/dp/1400083214/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1OBDM5U9HH7RO&keywords=everything+happens+for+a+reason+book&qid=1551651715&s=gateway&sprefix=everything+happens+%2Caps%2C181&sr=8-2 I'm no...

Book #2 and I'm already throwing you a wrench from my last post. I previewed/teased Every Good Endeavor, but sometimes plans have a way of unexpectedly changing. Link: The Power of a Praying Wife -- Stormie Omartian https://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying®-Wife-Stormie-Omartian/dp/0736957499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549307595&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+a+praying+wife+by+stormie+omartian Personal Note:  Recently a friend opened up to be about some struggles she's dealing with and mentioned a book that's really been helping. Curiosity, a desire to better understand those struggles and maybe a little ADD (if I'm being honest) led me to pause with Timothy Keller and read this one. And it turns out I needed to hear every word in a bad way! Also in all honesty, the title of this book alone made me think "what the heck am I about to read???" Reading and discussing the spiritual/religious realm is still new territory for me, so it's a hard place to...

I'm already getting behind on my #35while35 challenge so I'm taking some time on this long weekend to kick this off! I'm still not sure how I want to format these posts so it might be a work in progress for a while. Background: As I prefaced in my last post, book #1 of the year is "How to Listen so People Will Talk" by Becky Harling. (Follow her @BeckyHarling if you happen to be a Twitter person). I'm also trying to follow the authors of books that inspire me, so that their posts remind me to keep practicing what I've learned. Harling's tone throughout the book is kind, honest and endearing, and her own personal stories build depth and trust behind the concepts she is teaching. Here's the link again in case you want to order or download a copy for yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Listen-People-Will-Talk-Communication/dp/0764219448/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1RLTT0EPSKZSO&keywords=how+to+listen+so+people+will+talk&qid=1548126107&sprefix=how+to+...

Hi everyone! I bet you’re surprised to see me writing here after a 6 year hiatus. 2018 was a year of incredible growth for me. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. I’m going to be honest. It can be hard to navigate so much change while maintaining the life you’ve built and love. These things have helped: -therapy. Do it. If you think it’s expensive or there are negative connotations, stop. Nothing is more worthy of your time and money than your mental health. I always thought physical health is what mattered most. Until I started talking to a therapist. -books. And thus leads leads me to the reason behind my first post, in over 6 years. My goal is to read and outline 35 books in my 35th year. Maybe this seems like a low number but I am guilty of spending too much time on my devices so anything that will encourage me to read actual paper words is most welcome, and I need accountability! So here we go. First #35in35 will be on the link below if you care to read along. It’ve alread...